Time to be real

If I am going to do this, aka share my journey, there is one point that is crucial, sharing my truth, even in times when it is not all beautiful and positive!

My current truth is that I am frustrated and have a hard time joyfully accepting what is.

I track, I already have a judgement about what I am going to write!  A part of me is commenting that there are so many others in a much worse situation, that I have so much to be grateful for!

Yes I have, and I am deeply grateful for so very much, yet I also see the importance of  not  getting caught up in a spiritual bypass by not allowing myself to give an expression for my frustration.

The past week I have felt caught in my body as my lower back reacted adversely to something I did last Saturday at the gym. I somehow lost focus and immediately got the payback by aggravating a lumbar disc I am not allowed to forget is part of my body!

So easy to forget weak spots when the body doesn't ache! 

Nobodies fault but mine, I lured myself into the trap of showing off, showing off to myself, proving that I still had it in me, what a high level of stupidity!

The gift in all of this is again watching how very important movement is for my sanity and wellbeing. Watching what carrying tension does to my breath, my water intake, amount of cigarettes I smoke etc.

Yes, I do smoke..... my relationship to nicotine deserves a post of its own!

Movement is my meditation and my frustration stems from having to watch my every movement, not be able to move freely as I fear the wrong movement will make things worse.

Underlying is another truth, the fact that I many times when no body issues were in the way, let inertia be my middle name and did not take advantage of the beautiful medicine movement is!

.... and now as I REALLY want to walk my talk.... I get and gave myself a lesson in patience! 

Smiling now as writing truthfully is good medicine too!

 

 

 

 

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